How rude!

I know you thought that I had finished but this was too good to pass up.

I went to a coffee-shop this morning (as I'm still allowed to do) and Emilia was happily chewing on my car-keys fob while I queued to order a coffee.

A woman from a nearby sofa looked up and said "Should she be doing that?". I laughed and replied that it hadn't broken the fob yet then went back to choosing the type of bean I wanted.

This woman was obviously not done yet and continued "But what about the germs?" so I answered that it's all going to building her immune system and hoped that would be the end of it as - if I'm honest - her tone was starting to grate.

Unfortunately this woman wouldn't let it go and (as though she wanted to speak to a manager) said, "So where's Mum then?". I quickly said "Working" but really wanted to continue "not that it's any of your business, you nosey cow!"

Apparently I'm not able to make decisions about what my daughter can and cannot chew on.

For the record, Emma doesn't let Emilia chew on the keys only because she's worried the keys will break.

The end of one chapter...

I read an article today in the Daily Mail from a journalist who found the idea of men taking Additional Paternity Leave "a ghastly slippery slope towards men wearing fake mammary glands and pumps in order to breast-feed". 
This is my reply...


I have exactly 5 days before I go back to a full-time, fully-paid job.
'
My Additional Paternity Leave (APL) will be over.
Finished.
Done.

Where did that time go?!? I'd only just got settled into a routine!

Not sure how I feel about that... It kind of feels like I'm just getting the hang of this Dad malarky and Emilia is just starting to become a little person. Now I feel like I'm deserting her. Looking back on it there were times I thought it would never end but now it's ending, I'm quite disappointed.

As I touched on at the beginning of this blog, I initially took over Emilia's care at the 6-month mark so that Emma could go back to work and earn money for us to survive on again. (I'm a modern man so I'm not ashamed or emasculated by the fact that my wife earns considerably more than I do. I love my job and earning huge sums has never motivated me. This way I still get to enjoy some of the finer things in life!)

So it's fair to say that finances were the main reason for taking this leave, however it wasn't the only consideration. I was certainly looking forward to 6 months of looking after Emilia, playing PS3 and showing Emma that I could keep a house running efficiently.
I was anticipating a summer of bonding, with walks in the park, pub beer-gardens in the sun and lazy afternoons playing games or watching TV while she slept.
I was hoping for a deeper bond with my daughter and to start our lives together with a relationship more similar to the typical mother-daughter one than the working-father one. I was hoping to generally get to know her better right from the beginning.

I had quite a few different reactions from friends and family about what I was doing. About 50% positive and 50% thought I was nuts.
I was the first man in the history of my work to take APL - so much so that I completed the paperwork in good time and handed it to my line-manager who showed it to his boss who, because neither of them knew what to do with it, lost it.
I had an email through from HR the other day asking when I was coming back as they had 3 dates that they were expecting me (3rd December - APL end date; 6th December - APL end date plus additional requested leave; 8th January - No idea!)

I think most of my family were concerned that - because it was such a new concept - my career would somehow suffer and my chances of promotion would be lessened as I would be labelled absent or similar. I told them it wouldn't but only time will tell...

Looking back, it's fair to say I took the wrong attitude to this. I thought of it as a job. I was hoping to have defined times where I would be on duty and I could literally down-tools, flip open the laptop and be safe in the knowledge that Emma was doing baby-care at 5pm. If I'm honest, that's how it felt I was seen during the first 6 months because whenever I got home, as soon as I walked through the door, I was thrust a baby and Emma would start catching up on Facebook activity or what "news" was being reported on the Daily Mail.
It has taken me 5 months to realise that that's not the way it works. Whether you are a full-time parent, or a working one; if you're in the house, you're On Duty. There's no way you are going to win an argument of "But it's 5:01pm and I've had a tough day". Not that it hasn't crossed my mind but nobody wins that game. Both of you will feel equally justified in letting the other do the nappy-change or feed baby dinner because both of you have been doing stuff all day and both of you just want 5 minutes to relax. One of you has to do it and it should all balance out in the end.

I don't want to give away any Man-trades here but my days off (pre-baby) when Emma used to work in an office consisted of lounging about during the day, accumulating plates on the table by the sofa and not doing a lot until I would get a text from Emma saying that she was leaving the office at about 5pm. At that point I would run around like a blue-arsed fly, tidying and cleaning so that when Emma got home it looked like I'd been plodding at it all day. That way I could make the most of my days off, whilst also getting all the chores done that were needed. I know I'm not the only one!

Now that Emma works from home, that wasn't an applicable style of baby-care. Nor was it really ever an option that I would have free-range over how Emilia dressed, what we did or where we went as Emma was always watching. I could never do this for example, and still have a smug grin on my face, chillin' when she got back:

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RntoTUPuWMc - for those not able to view in blog)

I did manage a couple of these though...

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWM9fcSPeV4)

So what have the last 6 months given me?

Firstly, a brilliant insight into how a little ball of eating, sleeping, crying and pooing flesh turns into a unique and amazing individual. I have been able to watch as she learns what everything feels like, tastes like and smells like.
I have got to shadow her as she explores the ever-increasing world around her. First it was toys hanging 6 inches from her nose, then it was anything in her reach while she sat on her mat, then her world exploded to everything within 1 foot of the floor as she started crawling. Now nothing is safe as she pulls herself up to standing on anything remotely stable.
I've had the pleasure of teaching her about being tickled and hanging upside down; as well as learning swimming and shapes and reading every book I could find for her. I have (almost) literally been throwing information at her every day for 6 months and I've watched her absorb it like a little sponge!
I've been there for her at night when she wakes herself up crying and needs a cuddle and in a way that has been just as enjoyable as all the fun stuff during the days. To pick up a baby who is sobbing, have her cuddle into your chest and then hear her breathing settle into a calm pattern and feel her relax into you within seconds, is a complex emotional mini-adventure.
If it wasn't for the fact it's silly o'clock in the morning and there aren't any chairs in her room, I'd stay like that all night.

I've made new friends. Mums I've "inherited" from Emma's parent-baby group; the other parents in the road we live on and I've even found a fellow-dad who has a little boy so we can sit around drinking lattes a-plenty. It's been very helpful to have friend as we can discuss what works, what doesn't work and joke about what really didn't work (apparently dropping your child off the edge of the bed is bad...but not uncommon).

I did my best to get Emilia and I out and about as much as possible. Regularly for coffee. As many baby-groups as possible and joining my colleagues for days / lunches in the pub gardens on their days off. These were always fun however it became obvious that I wasn't allowed to take photos of Emilia being held by another woman as Emma would see them and get jealous.
I didn't expect Emma's reaction to my leave. (I think the word "resentment" has been used however I'm going to give Emma a guest-spot to write a little about how it has been from her perspective next time...) I knew she would miss her but I don't think either of us realised how much. I found that if I go out for too long (4 hours or more) I start to get texts / calls asking where we are, are we ok and when are we coming home?

Even with all my distractions, I got bored. I fully admit it.
My theory is this: In the first 6 months, Emilia was absolutely dependent on Emma so she had a lot to do when she was awake. Emilia  also slept for 18 hours a day so you have time to yourself (Not suggesting it's easy as there is a lot to do but it's not dull either). 6 months old was a big changing point for her. Sleep reduces dramatically (Emilia went from 3 naps per day to 1) and until 9 months, there was a lot less interaction when she was awake. Absorbing information but not expressing very much except hunger and boredom.
From 9 months things got interesting again. She started to react to me in a much more positive manner and have much better coordination so could reach for items, pass them from hand to hand and turn them over. It meant she really explored anything you gave her and I know she remembered it because she quickly developed favourites. She has a favourite toy and keeps absent-mindedly playing with the ears because they feel soft.
A tip I learned after the 9-month point, which I wish I'd known for the 6-9 month dip, was to just simply describe everything you see. Especially good if you're driving. A running commentary about what's coming up apparently settles the boredom of short car journeys but eventually i just had to sing to her!

Now though, I'm so very glad I did it. I feel I've got a great start of a relationship with this precious little person. I've learned a lot about her: What she likes and what she doesn't like; what makes her laugh and what makes her squeal with excitement.
In a way I feel I've passed some form of initiation into the society of parents.
I also think that my relationship with Emma has developed. We are more of a team than before. There is more mutual understanding of what goes into the day and neither of us complain if the other is not up to doing an early-morning feed even if it's their turn. The other just steps up and it works.

As a last word to all fathers-to-be. Do it. Do the full 6 months or -if that's not possible- do the last 3 because you will be amazed at what you (all) will get out of it.

Bee baba bada bab...

...I'm a scatman.

Today was another first.

Today she discovered her own poo.

Emma has been attempting to introduce the potty. Not in any "You will sit there until you use it!" type way, but more of a "Look at this interesting seat. It's where we sit after a meal".

So Emilia sat for all of about a minute before deciding she was bored and went for a crawl. She was sitting on the floor, playing with bunny one minute and then playing with a brown lump the next. Somehow she had done the biggest poo on the hardwood floor and then picked it up and started poking it with a finger.
There was no straining. There were no tell-tell signs that she was going to poo at all. She was clean one minute and poking a piece of poo the next!

You'll be glad to know, I'm sure, that there are no photos of this incident as we were both too busy gently stopping her from smearing it everywhere, while at the same time, trying not to scare her and laughing uncontrollably.

So a quick, smooth wipe-up later and then rushed upstairs for an early bath!

I did find this though...

Hi Ho, Hi Ho...

...it's off to work we go - if only for a weekend.

I had a lovely weekend this weekend (well, a long one anyway)!

I decided to use a couple of Keep In Touch days with work to
         a) catch up with my collegues,
         b) remind myself what I was supposed to do when I do eventually go back to work and
         c) work out what child-care arrangements will be needed the morning after working a 'late' shift

So Friday started as usual (at 0530hrs) and I did the usual thing of following Emilia around the house as she tried (and often succeeded) to open and close every draw, door and flap within reach; and press every button on every piece of electronic equipment within reach.
I stay out of her way until she's about to hurt herself (or sometimes just after she's hurt herself a little but before she hurts herself a lot) which means I'm constantly moving and constantly watching those little hands.

At lunchtime, I passed her over to Emma so I could quickly shower, change and start my commute to work.

Now I was expecting to be a little slow getting started at work. Remembering what "real" work was but I didn't realise that the electronic world would be against me! I got in to find that my computer password had expired, my PDA had forgotten who i was and needed replacing and the number 1 on my work mobile was refusing to register no matter how hard I pressed.

Luckily I had given myself a bit of extra time to get these things sorted before the shift started but it definitely started me on the wrong footing!

I had the usual "Ah, you must be the new boy"; "Hi, Sir, you seem lost. Can I help you find anything?"; "Barber closed today?" (I've let my hair grow a little and I've grown a beard as a nod to my new responsible self) but generally I fitted back in easily - to the point where at the end of the shift, it felt like I had never left.

So I got home at 2am, checked on Emilia - looking as cute as a button and snoring gently - and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

3 hours later I was woken by a grumpy Emma stomping around getting Emilia a bottle for her morning feed and Emilia deciding that she wasn't going back to sleep for love nor money (actually, I don't know if Emma tried the money thing, but I doubt she would have taken it up).

I think I must have sighed, or looked at my watch because, as-quick-as-a-flash I heard "Just 2 hours. Can you deal with her for just 2 hours. Then I'll get up. I promise". I didn't have the energy to argue so I rolled out of bed, plastered the best "Good Morning, Sweetie" smile I could muster and tried to be cheery for 2 hours.

I then slept til midday, walked the dog, quick shower and back to work.

Day 2 was as smooth as silk. Technology didn't fail me and all the things I was worried I'd forget came flooding back as though I hadn't been away for 4 months. at all.

So what have I learned from this that I can pass on to anyone thinking about doing this too?

a) the jokes don't change
b) it takes a little while but you'll be amazed how fast it comes back
c) we DEFINITELY need child-care the morning after I do a late shift!

I'm sorry. I just couldn't help it

Please don't judge me on this.

She was doing so well with her crawling but a sudden lapse in concentration and...

If you listen very closely, you'll here 2 stifled sniggers as she lands. We are bad parents...

And she's off!

It's all going to change now.

We were just starting to wonder if she was going to walk / talk / crawl first. I had a chat with one of our baby-group leaders 2 days ago about how to encourage her to crawl because she was struggling to coordinate arms and legs.

She would put one hand in front of the other as though crawling but she forgot to move her knees so would faceplant over and over again.

Because she's such an obstinate little thing, the usual "exercises", where you move their arms and legs in time to music/rhymes, wouldn't work. She simply refuses to cooperate and pulls away. The advice was to put her at the bottom of the stairs and encourage her to climb the stairs! 

I was a little reluctant to poke that lion so I gave it a couple of days. I waved her arms about and kicked her legs a little.

The very next day I took the dog for a walk and when I returned, I was greeted by a very happy emma and (I may be imagining it) a smug looking Emilia. 

Emma says "Watch this, watch this" and went to the other side of the room with Emilia's dummy in her mouth. She kneeled down and Emilia looked, grinned and crawled over to Emma, happily chattering all the way. She was so pleased with herself.

So now she can crawl and pull himself up to kneeling on stuff, she is everywhere! I've found out that the living room is not baby-proof. There are cables not-so-well hidden and she is obsessed with the sky box. She has found the on/off button and the randomly skip through channels button. The days of watching TV during the day are over, I guess. In fact I think my job has suddenly got much harder...

Who's a good little wifey then?

Today I embraced my house-wifey side and I cooked Emilia a pizza. From scratch.

I don't mean "I put the toppings on a pizza-base" - type of scratch. I mean that I combined flour, salt, sugar, water and yeast to make the dough before allowing it to rise in a warm, draught-free area before I put organic tomato sauce on top with some mild cheese and herbs and cooked it.

That kind of "from scratch". This is how it turned out (after 1 slice made a successful bid for freedom):

Home-made pizza for Emilia

It seemed to be enjoyed anyway...

I also made pizza for Emma and me which went down well (however less mess was made, so I couldn't tell you if it was as popular.

Sweet dreams are (not) made of these...

I think my brain is against me.

I woke up last night only because my brain told me that I had brought the baby into bed and was just about to lose her over the side.

I woke up, sitting bolt-upright, frantically searching my side of the bed for a baby that wasn't there. I then checked the floor around the bed incase she had already fallen out. - Secretly praying that Emma didn't find out that I had dropped the baby over the side!

What is really weird is that Emilia has been sleeping in her own cot, in her own room for over 4 months now and not once have I brought her into our bed at night.
What's also weird is that this isn't the first time I've had this dream. Seems to be a weekly thing, every week for the last 3 weeks.

The reason I write about it now is that (apart from the dream) last night was the first night for ages that was no reason to get up. No miaowing cats, no scared dog trying to get away from fireworks by digging under the bed, no crying baby and no disturbance from the chickens. Just my brain, and it took an hour to settle enough to allow asleep afterwards.

Apparently an unbroken night's sleep is too much to ask for! Hopefully, as I've not had any cheese tonight I shouldn't have any weird dreams!

Breaking point

### This is the post I wrote before "what a difference a day makes". Emma has now read it as a draft and said that a lot of people would relate so I'm sharing.###

How do you convey the tipping point of a man who has been broken by the merciless task of looking after his own daughter?

I am REALLY struggling over here.

Emma is working from 0700 - 0000 every day, missing out on bath time and general cuddle time.
She is therefore not able also to do anything around the house or generally help with anything.
If she comes down for a coffee, she will make funny faces / cuddle Emilia for the time it takes the kettle to boil then she's back upstairs til the next coffee break or I take lunch up to her.

When I was working, my shift pattern meant that I would sometimes work 7 night shifts in a row and so I would be effectively useless for 7 days but Emma has been like this for 3 weeks!

I'm also struggling with the heat / humidity. I don't have the motivation / energy to do the housework and am doing the least amount I can to keep afloat instead of actually doing a proper job.

Most worryingly this attitude has slipped into my parenting too. I'm sure that I've put her to bed during the day because I was tired rather than her. Not deliberately, but I've thought I've seen tired signs and put her down, only to have to go back and get her 5 minutes later because she has no intention of going to sleep!

So, in summary, I have no wife, the house is a bomb-site, the animals are lacking in the attention they need, I'm knackered and I think I could be doing a better job with my daughter. Sound like social services need to get involved yet, or just another day as a stay-at-home-dad?

What a difference a day makes

Just 18.5 little hours. (paraphrased from the song a little)

At about midnight last night I wrote a draft of the blog when I wasn't in particularly good place. ( I wasn't going to kill myself or anything what I was feeling quite down about being stuck in the house with very little support from a very busy wife) and, in my eyes, failing as a house-husband.

Today, Emilia and I went out for a coffee with a fellow dad, Rupert, and his son, Jaden. As well as a non-parent, Karl who helped keep the conversation a little away from babies for short periods.

A coffee became 2 and before I knew it the whole afternoon had disappeared, Emilia had eaten all her food and we had to beat a hasty retreat before Armageddon ensued.

My advice to all fathers out there (mothers too, it's an equal opportunities world, after all) is to find a friend. Male/female, single/married, black/white/ginger - just ideally make sure they're local enough to meet up with regularly - and take an afternoon a week to meet up, drink something that's not going to make you incapable of looking after the little one, kick back and enjoy being a parent.
There's no job like it.

In other news, Emma's hit her deadline at work so is reclaiming a couple of hours worked so managed to tidy the house for me this afternoon, I may even see her for an hour or so this evening and a certain sense of calm has returned to The House of Emoey.

Finally, time for some good news...

I appreciate that the last few posts have been a bit whiny so I have some good news...

Emilia said her first recognisable word on Monday.

I woke up on Monday to the sound of babbling at about 0600 on Monday morning and as I was lying there, enjoying how happy she sounded just talking to herself, she said...

"Dada"!

I know it doesn't mean anything - it's just a series of babbling sounds - but it's strangely warming to hear your daughter saying "dada dada dada" as she wakes up in the morning!

(Also Emma is very upset that her first words weren't "Mama" and is jokingly convinced that I have been training her to say Dada for the last month)
Apparently Mama is harder to say that Dada as it uses more muscles in the face

She doesn't associate the word with me and won't say it on cue (so can't put up a video) but she will periodically just incorporate it into "conversation" with you.

Anyway, just a short note so show that I sometimes have good news on the blog and it's not all bad! In fact, the little ups like these really make up for the days of monotony.

Happy Dada!

Apologies for the break in service...

...we apologise for any inconvenience it may have caused.

Honestly, I hope you haven't missed me too much!

There have been a number of reasons for my online silence.

1. My phone is refusing to publish the entry I wrote on it last week. Or to share it with the laptop so I can publish it from there. At the moment it's in blog purgatory. (I was toying with blog-atory but thought it was a little too obscure...)

2. We have no Internet at the moment. Apparently an engineer is on their way but it doesn't help me (or Emma who is paying a daily rate to BT for a wifi hotspot to do her work).

3. Emma has been working late in the evenings and at weekends so I've not had the time. Sorry.

4. I've been organising a friend's stag do which is harder than it appears.

5. But the real reason is that I'm shattered! 

The last 3 weeks have been the toughest of my life! (Well, since leaving the army anyway).

The actual work isn't hard. Get up; make a bottle of formula; feed baby with said formula; entertain baby with toys /stories / nursery rhymes / (as a last resort) singing until she's tired then put her to bed until she wakes and repeat. Ad nauseam.

To add a little spice, I feed her solid food twice a day which takes longer to eat and therefore requires less singing as feeding is a form of entertainment in itself.

What makes things a little more difficult is that the day starts at 5am. Her first nap in the morning has recently been at about 9; by which point I'm awake and - as I never know how long Emilia will nap for - I tend to not get too comfortable just I case she wakes again. So I don't go to sleep during the day.

By the time Emma's finished work and we've had dinner, it's 11pm and I'm "chin-strapped".

Normally, Mon-Fri of doing this would be fine but, as I said earlier, Emma is working weekends and so  I've not been able to get a lie-in or catch up with my rest.

I think this all started when Emilia had a cold which is why she wasn't sleeping properly. Emma promptly came down with the same cold however because of the lack of sleep I've been getting, I came down with man-flu (it's real and recognised - see here)

So anyway, that's my list of (slightly pathetic) excuses for not updating the blog recently. I hope you have all managed to live full and normal lives while I've been away!

P.S. If there's anything you feel I should be writing about, let me know because I don't think I can do 6 months of: I woke up, I fed her, she slept, she woke up, I fed her. 

What's the time, Mr Wolf?...

...I have no idea.

Since becoming a Stay-at-Home-Dad I've basically stopped wearing a watch.

There's no point. I wake up when Emilia wakes up; I feed her when she's hungry (normally about the same times every day) and I put her back to bed when she's tired.

I had an app on the iPad that I would put timings of when she did certain things (feed/sleep/nappy-change) and it would remind me when the next one was due however it only lasted 2 weeks before I realised i was pre-empting it anyway so it seemed that we had a good routine going.

There are obviously a few times when I need to be somewhere at a certain time but most of those are routine things, like baby-group or similar and they're not overly fussed if you're 10-20 minutes late anyway as they're a drop-in thing.
If it's an appointment, my phone reminds me 30 minutes before I need to leave the house which is normally enough time to check for a last-minute nappy change or bottle, collect everything, dress us both and head out of the house.

Last night i did check my phone when I was woken by a grizzling baby. It was 01:00 exactly! She then spent the next hour and a half refusing to / unable to go back to sleep.
At first I thought it was because her nappy was wet, so I changed it.
Then I thought she might be hungry, so I fed her (she hadn't eaten properly yesterday and was a bottle short by the time she went to bed)
Then Emma thought she might be cold so we put an extra layer on her.
She has a bit of a blocked nose at the moment so we've got a Calpol Diffuser plugged in however it has a built-in night light (well, I say nightlight, it's more like the blinding light of a nuclear explosion) so i unplugged that but then she became bunged up again and couldn't sleep!
Emma eventually took matters into her own hands and went old-school. She wet a flannel, added Olbas oil and left it on the radiator to evaporate. No light and no blocked nose = sleeping baby.

Thank you Emma.

Emilia is now sleeping again. I've decided baby group is a bad idea as she's not well and tired so we're going to have a day of sleeping and reading stories.

Hopefully she'll be better soon and we can go back to normal.

Happy Summer Solstice

Firstly, a little admin:

1. Many of you will hopefully notice the "follow by email" gadget on the right (above the list of posts). Simply type your email address in here and check your email inbox. You should get a confirmation email with a link to activate it. Once activated, you should receive an email every time I update the blog.

2. I have managed to figure out why it was impossible to leave a comment on the blog without a username. This has been fixed and you can now comment away to your hearts' content!

Summer Solstice in Wiltshire

So - on with the proper part of the blog...

Emilia is now exactly 6 months old. She was born on the winter solstice, when the days were at their shortest and our days have just got brighter every day since. (Sorry, I was trying to think of something to end that paragraph with but couldn't think of anything)

We have, in all honesty, had an amazing 6 months. We've learned a lot about ourselves, each other and an amazing amount about Emilia.

Near the beginning of this blog, I said I would put up mile-stones that she was due to reach; that she has reached and that she's not reached yet. 

I've been talking to various professionals (child-carers, physio-therapist) and - just as valid - other Mums. The milestones seem fairly vague but www.babycenter.com has a good month-by-month guide however I've taken the following list from the book "What to Expect. The First Year"

Things she should be doing...

Keeping head level with body when pulled to sitting - Check. Been doing that for a while. 

Saying 'ah-goo' or similar vowel-consonant combinations - Check. I think. She's been "talking" since April but I'm not sure I'm hearing the consonant sounds very much. I'll video her tomorrow and upload as an edit. We'll then see if popular opinion is that she's ah-gooing or just ah-oohing.

Things she will probably be doing...

Bearing some weight on her legs when held upright - Not really. There's a split-second before her legs buckle if you lower her onto a surface but I'm not counting it.

Sit without support - Check. She learned that last weekend (when Emma let her face-plant). However only really perfected it today after I let her fall yesterday. No excuses, I dropped my concentration for literally 1 second to rub my eyes and when i opened them she was on her way backwards. There was nothing I could do but give her a big hug and then distract her with a bell in a cage.

Anyway, she can now look round, follow items up and down with her head and even didn't fall over when the dog surprised her by licking her nose! (There was biscuit on it)

Turning in the direction of a voice. Check. And then grin at you like she hasn't seen you in AGES!!

Raspberry noises. Check, check and check again! She loves doing this and she knows it gets our attention because I can't resist having a raspberry-off with her.

It's even more fun in supermarkets.

Things she may be able to do...

Stand holding onto someone or something. Nope.

Object if you take a toy away. Check. She has a little grizzle if it's a toy but a FIT if it's her bottle before she's finished with it. Even if it's just to adjust your position.

Work to get a toy that's out of reach. She's started to reach out to get toys but, to be honest, feet are as much fun and they're easily accessible.

Pass a cube or other object from one hand to another. Check. She's doing it with food, rattles, dummies but we don't have any cubes... I'm going with a yes on that anyway!

Look for a dropped object. Check. If the desire's great enough and there isn't another one to hand. We may be giving her stuff back to her too quickly.

Pick up a tiny object with a fist. Check. Crumbs and bits of food on the highchair tray.

Babble. I think that I heard a Ma-ma once but it hasn't happened again. So, No. Not yet.

Feed herself finger-foods. Check. She loves feeding herself!

Scores at the doors: 10/14. I'm proud of our little girl. As proud as a Dad can be.

Mr Angry

I feel I should add a page today about what was going on yesterday.

Before I start, I've been thinking about household dynamics.  There has been a tremendous shift in the dynamic of this house. I used to be out of the house for at least 10 hours of a day (8/9 hour shifts and overtime + commuting time).  Emma worked from home and we (kinda) had jobs in the house / with animals etc that we would get done if we saw they needed it.
Obviously when Emilia was born, the dynamic changed again.  Emma was home and not "working", I was still out for the 10 hours and with my shift-pattern I wasn't necessarily home at weekends; but we settled into a less-than- perfect system where I would do what I could, when I could and we got by with Emma doing the majority of everything.

The dynamic has changed again last week - and is still changing.

***

As the title suggests, Yesterday afternoon I wasn't a happy bunny.

The morning went well: Woke at 6. Bottle til 20 past. Slept til 8. We then had a great time playing with paints at "Messy Play"
We did a piece of art for Mummy - Emilia actually did a lot of it. I did the thick orange line then she smudged it and put the random splodges everywhere with her hands.

(I really need to buy an apron for her as it appears the paint doesn't come out in the wash!)

Emilia and her first piece of art. Note the paint on her too!

As we were leaving the hall, we bumped into Emma, who - apparently - had a quiet day in "the office" and so thought she'd come up and spend some time with us, so we spent an extra 30 minutes being messy.

[Before people think I'm going to get Emma into trouble, she works a 9-5 job however a part of it is that she relies a lot on specialists getting the reports back to her so that she can collate it, format it, check it and present it to the client. Or waiting for quotes or requests to change spreadsheets etc. There are times when there is nothing for her to do, so she used to spend that time food-shopping, tidying the house, etc.

Often the work Emma has been waiting for comes in at the last minute and involves a late night or weekend working so she will do everything that is needed to hit the deadline. She regularly does a 60 hour week and sometimes more.]

For some reason, I got it into my head that as Emma had a quiet day she would be able to help me with Emilia. I wanted to get a few bits and pieces done around the house/garden and thought I'd use Emma for a little light baby-sitting.  Emma has also said how much she missed playing with her. 

Emma had other plans.  Her plans involved reading about weaning, shopping for foods for baby to try and checking out Fb.

I got the feeling that a point was being made...  The point that its not easy to look after a baby and the house.  A point I already knew.  I think that's what annoyed me.

It highlighted something that I just took for granted until yesterday: Running a house (especially one with a baby, a dog, 2 cats and 5 chickens) is more than a 1-person job. 

We've had a number of comments since I started this Paternity Leave when things haven't been done that day (cats fed their wet food - they always have access to cat-biscuits, dog medicated etc) that "It comes under the house-stuff. That's your job now" or "Now do you appreciate all the things I do around the house?". 

I don't think anyone likes to think they've been "taught a lesson" so I was angry yesterday. However I've slept on it and realised that me being home all the time is a lot for both of us to get used to so this is not something to get angry about.

Obviously Emma didn't feel appreciated and that was my fault but I hope that the lesson has been "taught" and we can find our new roles within the house.

To TV or not to TV? That is the question.

Before I took over baby-care, I had had a real 'thing' about the TV. I am personally very distracted by the TV if its on. I don't even have to want to watch the program but if its on and within my sight, I pay it far more attention than is suitable.

So I created a rule for myself that I won't put the TV on during the day (unless Emilia's sleeping, I've prepared everything for the next period of awake-ness and even done all the house-work I need). So I would very rarely put the TV on during the day!

I broke that rule today and it took me 15 minutes to change Emilia's nappy! It was Baby
TV so I wasn't exactly struggling to follow the storyline or some clever plot twist but we both fell silent and watched Oliver Discovers. (I can't even remember what he discovered but I was obviously enjoying it!)

For those who don't know what Oliver Discovers...

New rule: no tv in the morning. 

As we're weaning, lunch seems to be a long, messy process involving a lot of food put onto the high chair, then being spread over the clothes worn... and hands... And face... And high chair and I have no idea how much actually being eaten.

So after all that fun, I think 10 minutes of relaxation and watching TV is not so bad.

                                      

I've got that Friday feeling!

It's nice when people comment on the things you do.

I've now had a couple of people say they love the blog (although, annoyingly not actually on the blog comments - so you'll just have to take my word for it)

I also had a lie-in this morning as Emilia was obviously tired from yesterday's day of stresses and slept til about 7!

We then went to "Play and Learn" where I made 2 school-boy errors:

1. Went while she was a little tired

2. Forgot dummies and - stupidly -thought that we'd be fine for a couple of hours without it

We sat about and talked and watched other children play. 

Apparently (according to the physio) I need to allow her to fall over when she's sitting uptight as if I keep catching her she'll take longer to learn to catch herself... I tried today, but I felt like it was my job, as a father, to catch her. 

There is also a certain feeling of being assessed when you're a man with your daughter and are surrounded by mothers with their children. "Can he really be as caring as a mother?" "He won't be as in tune to his daughter's needs" and so you don't want be judged as allowing your daughter to fall over because you weren't watching.

...or that might be paranoia.

One thing makes me feel a little better is that that afternoon I had left her in Emma's care while I showered after a run.

I took a photo of them just before I got into the 

shower and then about 30 seconds into my shower I heard proper crying. Emma came into the bathroom with Emilia and said that Emilia had face-planted into the carpet because Emma hadn't caught her!

I don't think it did any harm as there was no crying by the time they came into the bathroom.

Wow... I wasn't expecting this!

OK. I said this was going to be an honest account of how hard it is to look after a little one for 6 months, here goes:

So today was difficult. - "I-told-you-so" is not a helpful response, mothers!

When I started this on Monday (and Tuesday to an extent) it was an easy life. Emilia would sleep for 15 of the 24 hours that the day has been divided into and I could fill the other 9 hours with feeding, playing, singing nonsense and "dancing" about the house with her in my arms.

The biggest concern I had was how I was going to keep my brain from turning to mush during the days and what I could do to encourage Emilia's development while I had her to myself.

---

Yesterday, all that changed. Yesterday we woke at 04:something for a bottle and then went back to bed for a couple of hours but that was the last she saw of the inside of her eyelids until 19:00 when she was bathed and put to bed.
I knew from what little experience I had (i.e. I had been told by Emma) that without decent naps during the day, she would not sleep well at night. We had already bought tickets for Iron Man 3 (I'm not going to get sidetracked with a review here) and organised a baby-sitter so when she came round at 19:00 I ran through the problems we had had and explained that we were just down the road etc if needed and we went off to enjoy ourselves for 2 and a half hours.

We got back to a soundly sleeping baby and no reports of anything other than peace and quite in the time we were away. I thought I may have been misinformed. I hadn't been...


We had a couple of sleeping grizzles during the night which woke me up enough to go and check on her but she was sleeping. She then woke up at 04:45 for a bottle. Not too bad but we got up for the day at 07:24.

I don't know what was wrong with her today but she didn't sleep in the morning and slept for about 30 minutes after baby group.
She then drained a bottle at about 15:00 and fell asleep in my arms but every time I got up to go upstairs with her she would wake up and she point-blank refused to go back to sleep in her own cot.

I was the only place she would sleep and it meant I couldn't and I couldn't do any house-work either. Not that that's a bad thing in itself, but the house is now trashed and it's depressing me.

I will be honest, I struggled today. I'm running out of ways to be entertaining / interesting and am running out of energy too.
I think I'm sleeping the right number of hours but they're broken hours.

To give you an idea, the books recommend that at 6 months old she should be having 2 naps, totalling 3-4 hours and then be sleeping for 10-11 hours at night.

Roll-on Saturday!

Difficult second day

I don't like these early starts! And they seem to be getting earlier! 

This was a 0445hours start this morning and I wasn't in the best of moods!

Don't get mr wrong, as soon as I walked into her bedroom, I was smiles and happy voices however for the 3 seconds it took me to muster the energy to raise myself from my very comfy pillow, I wasn't happy!

As soon as I walked into her room and saw her lying sideways in her cot, grinning at me - all was forgiven and we had all of a bottle before going back to sleep for another couple of hours. Bliss.

I can see why Emma didn't want to give this up to go back to work.

Other than that, today was very similar to yesterday except we went to see the physio this morning instead of Mother and Baby group so I feel more manly (and very proud that my daughter was described as "perfect" and "cute") however there's not a lot else to report.

Whilst talking to the physio I was asking about how accurate the "milestones" are that babies should be getting to and she said they were very flexible so I thought I'd use this opportunity to see how Emilia matches up...

That'll start tomorrow because its now half 11 and I'm not looking forward to a 4am start tomorrow!

So far, so good

This morning, I was rudely awoken by a grizzly baby at almost exactly 5 am.

I got up, took her downstairs and fed her her bottle. 21 minutes later, she was back in her cot and I was drifting off to a lovely 2 and a half more hours of sleep.

We woke up again at 8 and I got her dressed. So far so good. Admittedly, the dress I put her in was a little on the small side however it fits and I didn't worry about it too much... We just wont be wearing it again.

We had another bottle and went off to a group thing that I'd been to before called "Bumps and Babies" which basically consists of mums sitting round, chatting and watching their children play with the toys provided. Not a bad way to spend 3 mornings a week.

Emilia and I joined in with our respective roles (she played, and I chatted). As I say, I'd been a couple of times before and so knew at least 3 of the women there and the others recognised Emilia so made me feel welcome. 

I can already feel the testosterone leaching from my body!

We got home at about midday so Emilia was tired and went to bed for an hour!

We then played for a little in her jump-a-roo and then it was lunchtime.

Emilia in her jump-a-roo.

Emma joined me in feeding her blueberry mush and toast, having something to eat and then disappeared back upstairs.

Emilia is now sleeping and will probably be there for 2 hours. Then a feed and a couple of hours play and bath and bed. Will update...

*update*

In bed by 1900 hours and a total of 15 hours sleep in last 24!

A foreword...

Right, I've got 6 months of being the primary carer to our little girl.

I thought I'd use this blog as a way of showing how hard or easy it really is to be a stay-at-home-parent.

A couple of things I ought to mention first:

1. Emilia is - by all accounts - a very good natured baby. She's not colic-y and sleeps well at night.

2. My wife works from home. She works bloody hard but when she has her lunch she can eat it downstairs with me and Emilia.

Because of those reasons I'm not expecting this to be overly stressful however I am looking forward to what the next 6 months will bring...