As I write this I have just finished my last official day of Additional Paternity Leave for the second time around.
Tomorrow is a night-shift so nothing is going to change for another 24 hours but I technically have 1 hour left of being a "Stay At Home Dad".
As such, I thought I'd try to sum up what I've learned this time around:
1. IT'S SO MUCH HARDER!
Genuinely it must be 3 or 4 times harder with 2. It may seem obvious that with 2 you have to worry about twice as much but it goes deeper than that.
A 2yr old doesn't understand that just because I take her little brother upstairs with his bottle in the afternoon I'm trying to get him to sleep. Even if she does she doesn't really get that this requires time and quiet. Therefore she doesn't understand that she can't stand at the bottom of the stairs (if I've remembered to close the stairgate behind me) shouting "DADDY" repeatedly at the top of her lungs... Or knocking on his bedroom door (if I've not) isn't going to help.
Emilia wants a story read. Tal just wants to grab the book and (if possible) rip the pages up and eat them.
Tal can't understand where I go when I take Emilia to the toilet upstairs and leave him downstairs so he cries. If I take him up he heads for the cat litter as soon as my back is turned. And he's quick too.
If you put them in the trolley next to each other, Tal would grab Emilia's hair.
If one cries, the other often does too but you can't cuddle both because they are then too close one may touch the other making them cry louder. (I don't get it either).
2. You will feel guilt.
There is no way you can pay the same amount of attention to a 6-month-old and a 2-year-old all the time. There will always be one that needs your undivided attention. I felt for a long time that I wasn't paying Tal the attention he deserved. Sometimes that was because Emilia wouldn't leave me alone, sometimes it was because she was busy playing and Tal was happy enough just playing with his toys and I decided to do some chores but when I thought about it, I realised that 2 years ago, I'd have been on the floor with Emilia; talking to her, playing with her and teaching her. As long as Tal wasn't crying or breaking stuff I was happy to leave him.
3. What one is eating, the other must also.
We had a perfect example of this last week. Emilia and Tal sit next to each other at the kitchen table for dinner. I sit one end and Emma sits at the other (sounds very grand. It's not). Emilia was having half an apple for pudding and Tal had a couple of slices of the other half. Tal started crying and we thought it was because he had finished his slice so Emma gave him another. He looked at it, then at Emilia's half, then at Emma and threw his slice across the table so it hit the kitchen wall. He only stopped crying when he was given the rest of his apple-half in 1 piece so he could eat it as Emilia was.
4. When one wakes in the morning, the other often will too.
05:30 is the witching hour for our 2 little angels at the moment. Actually has been since Tal was in a pattern. If they wake in the night, there's normally no issue but any noise around 5am onwards will wake one who will wake the other.
5. The second will learn from the first.
(Good and bad things)
Tal is almost walking which is a few months younger than Emilia was. On the negative though, he's also good at throwing (see No. 3 above) and tantrums.
He's watching everything Emilia does. He stands next to her at her play-table and watches her play with her HappyLand / Peppa toys and will grab any that she puts down within his reach. When she laughs, he laughs and he smiles at her constantly!
6. There is really no rest for the wicked.
The following is an idea of how my days panned out over the last 6 months:
0530 - Wake up
0630 - Breakfast
0700 - Emma would come down. (Sometimes I would go back to bed until 0800 but as I'd been up for 90 minutes it took me 45 minutes to get back to sleep and a 15 minute nap helps no-one)
0800 - Get everyone dressed.
0930 - Tal naps. Emilia and I go to group.
1130 - Tal wakes. I sort lunch.
1400 - Tal down for second nap. Emilia and I play downstairs.
1500 - I tried a handful of times to put Emilia down for a nap in the early days but she fought it so much that she often woke Tal up so in the end I gave up.
1600 - Emilia becomes overtired and spends half of the next 90 minutes on the Naughty Step in 2 minute spells
1730 - Supper for them (and sometimes us)
1800 - Bath and bedtime routine (with Emma's help)
1900 - Tidy the devastation that used to be a living room.
2000 - Walk dog.
2100 - Dinner (if I can be bothered)
2200 - Bed to sleep the Sleep of the Dead.
7. The house will never be tidy again and DIY jobs will never be completed.
I can't add a lot to this. Tal has been nicknamed Loki - The god of Destruction. As fast as you can tidy, he destroys. Toys out of boxes, boxes off shelves, books from bookshelves and pages from books.
8. You will have fun
I know it hasn't sounded like it from the last 10 blog entries but I really have enjoyed my time "off". I got to see Tal turn into a proper, smiley, single-minded little boy. I have also listened to Emilia's language develop and can now listen to her have both halves of a conversation with her stuffed pig about going to the cafe and eating chips. (Oh yeah. That's what I live for nowadays)!
I love that I have shared the joy and stresses of being around for this important time in both my children's lives. Also gave me an extra chance to be involved with Emilia's Terrible Twos, potty training and watching her start to think things through for herself and develop.
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