And so it comes to an end... (again)

As I write this I have just finished my last official day of Additional Paternity Leave for the second time around.

Tomorrow is a night-shift so nothing is going to change for another 24 hours but I technically have 1 hour left of being a "Stay At Home Dad".

As such, I thought I'd try to sum up what I've learned this time around:


1. IT'S SO MUCH HARDER!
Genuinely it must be 3 or 4 times harder with 2. It may seem obvious that with 2 you have to worry about twice as much but it goes deeper than that.

A 2yr old doesn't understand that just because I take her little brother upstairs with his bottle in the afternoon I'm trying to get him to sleep. Even if she does she doesn't really get that this requires time and quiet. Therefore she doesn't understand that she can't stand at the bottom of the stairs (if I've remembered to close the stairgate behind me) shouting "DADDY" repeatedly at the top of her lungs...  Or knocking on his bedroom door (if I've not) isn't going to help.

Emilia wants a story read. Tal just wants to grab the book and (if possible) rip the pages up and eat them.

Tal can't understand where I go when I take Emilia to the toilet upstairs and leave him downstairs so he cries. If I take him up he heads for the cat litter as soon as my back is turned. And he's quick too.

If you put them in the trolley next to each other, Tal would grab Emilia's hair.

If one cries, the other often does too but you can't cuddle both because they are then too close one may touch the other making them cry louder. (I don't get it either).


2. You will feel guilt.
There is no way you can pay the same amount of attention to a 6-month-old and a 2-year-old all the time. There will always be one that needs your undivided attention. I felt for a long time that I wasn't paying Tal the attention he deserved. Sometimes that was because Emilia wouldn't leave me alone, sometimes it was because she was busy playing and Tal was happy enough just playing with his toys and I decided to do some chores but when I thought about it, I realised that 2 years ago, I'd have been on the floor with Emilia; talking to her, playing with her and teaching her. As long as Tal wasn't crying or breaking stuff I was happy to leave him.


3. What one is eating, the other must also. 
We had a perfect example of this last week. Emilia and Tal sit next to each other at the kitchen table for dinner. I sit one end and Emma sits at the other (sounds very grand. It's not). Emilia was having half an apple for pudding and Tal had a couple of slices of the other half. Tal started crying and we thought it was because he had finished his slice so Emma gave him another. He looked at it, then at Emilia's half, then at Emma and threw his slice across the table so it hit the kitchen wall. He only stopped crying when he was given the rest of his apple-half in 1 piece so he could eat it as Emilia was.


4. When one wakes in the morning, the other often will too.
05:30 is the witching hour for our 2 little angels at the moment. Actually has been since Tal was in a pattern. If they wake in the night, there's normally no issue but any noise around 5am onwards will wake one who will wake the other.


5. The second will learn from the first.
(Good and bad things)
Tal is almost walking which is a few months younger than Emilia was. On the negative though, he's also good at throwing (see No. 3 above) and tantrums.

He's watching everything Emilia does. He stands next to her at her play-table and watches her play with her HappyLand / Peppa toys and will grab any that she puts down within his reach. When she laughs, he laughs and he smiles at her constantly!


6. There is really no rest for the wicked.
The following is an idea of how my days panned out over the last 6 months:

0530 - Wake up
0630 - Breakfast
0700 - Emma would come down. (Sometimes I would go back to bed until 0800 but as I'd been up for 90 minutes it took me 45 minutes to get back to sleep and a 15 minute nap helps no-one)
0800 - Get everyone dressed.
0930 - Tal naps. Emilia and I go to group.
1130 - Tal wakes. I sort lunch.
1400 - Tal down for second nap. Emilia and I play downstairs.
1500 - I tried a handful of times to put Emilia down for a nap in the early days but she fought it so much that she often woke Tal up so in the end I gave up.
1600 - Emilia becomes overtired and spends half of the next 90 minutes on the Naughty Step in 2 minute spells
1730 - Supper for them (and sometimes us)
1800 - Bath and bedtime routine (with Emma's help)
1900 - Tidy the devastation that used to be a living room.
2000 - Walk dog.
2100 - Dinner (if I can be bothered)
2200 - Bed to sleep the Sleep of the Dead.

7. The house will never be tidy again and DIY jobs will never be completed.
I can't add a lot to this. Tal has been nicknamed Loki - The god of Destruction. As fast as you can tidy, he destroys. Toys out of boxes, boxes off shelves, books from bookshelves and pages from books.

8. You will have fun
I know it hasn't sounded like it from the last 10 blog entries but I really have enjoyed my time "off".  I got to see Tal turn into a proper, smiley, single-minded little boy. I have also listened to Emilia's language develop and can now listen to her have both halves of a conversation with her stuffed pig about going to the cafe and eating chips. (Oh yeah. That's what I live for nowadays)!

I love that I have shared the joy and stresses of being around for this important time in both my children's lives. Also gave me an extra chance to be involved with Emilia's Terrible Twos, potty training and watching her start to think things through for herself and develop.

The Joy of Shopping (pt 2)

Feeling a little smug today.

Emma bought some bread rolls specifically for Tal... until I pointed out that they were "not suitable for those allergic to egg, dairy or soya due to manufacturing processes".

Apparently it can happen to the best of us :-)

The Joy of Shopping

So Emma normally deals with the food shopping (well all shopping) and it has become a bit more difficult since Tal was diagnosed. For +Sainsbury's and the unaware, a test:

You have 10 seconds to answer the following question while someone talks at you and tries to pick up everything within reach.

Go!

Question: In this scenario your child is allergic to milk, soya and egg. Can they eat the below product? 

[Answer below]

Find the info in here...

Background story: Emilia and I went to Tumble Tots whilst Tal stayed home with Em (he was sleeping). One of the activities was to make "pizzas" using different coloured beanbags and a foam disc base. Emilia therefore decided that she wanted pizza for lunch so I said we'd call in to Sainsbury's on the way back to pick up some pizza bases. Normally I make my own dough but it was a last minute decision so had to improvise.

So checked the pizza base:
No dairy - check
No soya - check
No egg - check
(only allergen in bold was wheat) - sorted!

New Gruffalo tops for Emilia (from the boy's section as they don't seem to do gruffalo clothes for girls. Grrr.) - doubly sorted; and back home for lunch and brownie points.

So we get home, and there's the usual herding Emilia through the door, whilst holding Tal and getting her past the dog who's come over to give a lick, and get her to move out of the way so I can get inside because we're getting wet and I need to close the door and put the shopping down but she's dropped Peppa Pig on the floor so has to tell me about it and look sadly at the toy whilst not actually picking her up or moving out of the way! [and breathe]

And I start prepping everything when Emma points out to me the sentence on the bases that states "not suitable for those with a milk allergy due to manufacturing processes". Grrr!!!!

[Side Note: A "may contain" is not too bad and a risk we usually take. This however means its not just made in the same factory but the same line, meaning although dairy isn't an ingredient there is a VERY high probability of cross contamination. Why isn't this also in bold +Sainsbury's?!?!?]

Answer: No.

So frustrating! We ended up doing "cheese" (Violife, so not cheese but suitable for Tal) on toast for him (we won't mention to Emma the bit of Emilia's pizza he grabbed and started eating - oops!).

So there you have it, you have to check everything as you can't just assume (Emma discovered yesterday some jams have butter in) and even then you also need to not just check the allergens but also if the manufacturing process has an effect. I'm definitely leaving the shopping to Emma!

I wonder if an apple would be safe for lunch tomorrow...

The stakes have been raised...

I'm sorry for the lack of blogging recently. I have literally had no time!

I was watching Tal at the dinner table today, proudly picking up sweetcorn and throwing it over the side of the high-chair and I was starting to get *really* angry at him. I then realised that he is only 9 months and I should be proud of the fact that he's picking up stuff as small as a sweetcorn.

I get angry when he doesn't sleep in the day. He's not being naughty, he's not being bad, he's just found something more interesting to do at that moment (or I've completely misjudged his energy levels) but I get really annoyed. I don't think I got this stressed first time round.

I wonder if it's because the stakes are higher this time. I'm conscious of the fact that if there's sweetcorn on the floor in the kitchen, I'm going to have to clean it up. This normally means leaving both children in the living room - unsupervised. As much as I try; this house is not toddler / crawler proof.

If there's a pen nearby and I'm not watching, there will be trouble...

Emilia's artwork

...alternatively I will be away for 30 seconds and hear a thump and Tal crying and lying on the floor. When I asked Emilia what had happened, she (without a sign of guilt or even maliciousness) said "I pushed Baby Tal over". 

The stakes are higher with afternoon naps too. If Emilia is going down for a nap (which doesn't happen regularly) then Tal needs to go down once Emilia's asleep so that she doesn't wake him by talking / playing / shouting that she doesn't want a nap. 

If he decides that talking / wriggling / grizzling is better than a nap then I have to deal with both of them for the rest of the afternoon. 

Did I just write that down? I don't mean it in a bad way but it is nice to have an hour or so on my own. (To clean up sweetcorn from the kitchen floor)

What do normal adults talk about?

It's official; I have forgotten how to have a normal conversation with normal adults! I've lost my Mojo!

Today was the clarification of this fact but I know I have fallen foul of it before.

The family and I were at a very nice little party this afternoon hosted by friends and there were lots of nice people there - many of whom were parents with their respective children.

I started talking to a nice couple who had a couple of older boys themselves. Within minutes, I had managed to bore them with stories of potty-training and non-napping children. Minutes! And they were parents! I simply couldn't remember how to start a conversation with a stranger that didn't revolve around my children.

I used to be quite good at striking up a conversation with a stranger, make small-talk and have a laugh with random people but now my entire attention is on Emilia or Tal and I literally cannot think of anything else to say to people.

I tried to talk to other "grown-ups" today but even when I am having a "normal" conversation with Emilia present (for it is always Emilia that needs the most of my attention), I find that I have to shout at her / call her / comfort her or generally listen to her narration, mid-thought so I am finding it really hard to have a clear chain of thought. I must also seem really rude!

As I said, this is not the first time that I have forgotten the etiquette of conversation:

A little while ago I was part of a group conversation with some mums and I jumped in to tell an anecdote that would have been tenuous 3 topics ago. Not only did I jump in, I apologised that I had done it - but carried on anyway - and what made it worse is that the story I told fell absolutely flat and I had to slink away.

Where did HE come from?

I never thought that 2 of my children could be so different!

5 months into my Paternity Leave with Emilia,  I wrote an entry asking how it happened that a little pooing, sleeping and crying thing became a little person. Well we've reached that stage already this time round.

Tal is much more of a do-er. Emilia was a watcher (still is). She would watch what everyone else was doing and only when she felt confident enough, would she copy. Tal just goes straight for it!

He wriggles and squirms and lunges for things that he wants. He is desperate to move and do things too. He will not sit still and if he's in my arms, and I'm not walking around, he wriggles, strains and pulls until I eventually put him down. (At which point he complains that he can't go anywhere!)

Emilia, at this age (I remember), was much happier to sit in your lap at group, or in the house and have toys passed to her. She was never particularly interested in crawling (in fact I wrote a blog entry in October 2013 saying that she had just done her first bit of crawling) whereas Tal is already up on all-fours and rocking, ready to start going! Emma and I are taking bets on how long it will be before I have to baby-proof the living room again

Tal making a tentative bid for freedom having destroyed the living room

They do have their shared characteristics too though: They are both smiley, cuddly and loving; they are both obsessed with electronics. (We bought Emilia a toy remote control to stop her playing with our real one and Tal has found that 2 years later. He is also desperate to press all the buttons and smack the laptop - even if it's closed and off he tries to pick it up and eat it!).

Oh, and they are both gorgeous!

I love them both but if I thought Emilia had her hard moments... I'm worried about what the next few months and then years have in store!

Emilia the Dog

**Firstly, Emilia, I'm sorry for posting this and I'm sure it'll come up in the Father-of-the-Bride speech**

This week we officially started potty-training.

I've been reading a book called "Potty Training for Girls" and it pretty much does what it says on the tin.

The idea is that you introduce the concept gradually; going nappy-less for an hour (closely supervised!) and suggest the potty a couple of times in that hour - or when you notice "signs".

After they've got the hang of pottys, you suggest that

Today I took her nappy off and we sat on the floor and played with her Peppa-Pig figures. The potty was to one side and towels were on stand-by incase of an accident.

I suggested she may need a wee and she thought about it for a second before making a "psssss" noise but refused the potty. She got up and made her way straight out of the back door onto the lawn where she squatted slightly and wee'd right on the grass!

I honestly didn't know weather to chastise her for peeing on the grass; or congratulate her for knowing not to wee on the floor!

Apparently we've been watching our dog go outside for a wee and decided that that's the place to do it.

I'm glad it wasn't raining!

So TIRED!

I've just been re-reading my first blogs from 2013.

I complained then about having to get up at 0500 but "21 minutes later, she was back in her cot and I was drifting off to a lovely 2 and a half more hours of sleep".

Our son is a different beast. He also wakes at 0500 (on the dot) every morning but will not go back to sleep for at least 2 hours. Emilia then wakes at 0700 (or 0730 if we're lucky) and so we're up for the day! If I'm lucky they both nap at the same time in the afternoon - but that only happens 50% of the time.

It would be a very long day except for my lovely wife who takes over when Emilia wakes up and lets me sleep for an hour or so.

I am still exhausted!

That is all. Goodnight.

Daddy or Chips?

For those who never saw the ad...

So Emma was holding Emilia last week and had the following conversation in front of me: 

Emma: Who do you prefer, Daddy or Mummy?

Emilia: Daddy

Emma: Who do you prefer, Daddy or Tal?

Emilia: Daddy

Emma: Who do you prefer, ;Daddy or Char? (one of our neighbours who has a son the same age as Emilia called Jake)

Emilia: Daddy

Emma: Who do you prefer, Daddy or chocolate?

Emilia: Daddy

Emma: Who do you prefer, Daddy or chips?

Emilia: Daddy

Emma: Who do you prefer, Daddy or Donna (her Nanny for the last year)?

Emilia: Donna

It's fair to say that I have now renamed Donna "The Witch" in my phone and Emma isn't talking to any of us!


*Edit*
Just for fun, I have just asked the following:

Me: Who do you prefer, Daddy or Jake?
Emilia: Jake

Me: Who do you prefer, Daddy or Jayden?
Emilia: Jayden

Me: Who do you prefer, Jake or Jayden?
Emilia: Jake

(Sorry +Rupert Key but "you snooze: you lose")

Argh. It's all fallen apart... again.

I'm sure that I've never said that this was going to be easy.
I'm sure that I've never looked at multi-child households and thought: "Pah. I don't know what all the fuss is about".
I'm sure that I've never looked at childminders and thought "I could do that job"

In fact there was a period when Tal was 4 months old that I wondered if I wanted to do this stay-at-home thing with 2 children at all!

Emma seems to be taking great joy in my struggling today though.

It was my mistake. I broke routine.

The day normally starts with Tal waking at about 0600. I take him downstairs and give him a bottle. We then sit and play for an hour until Emilia wakes at 0700 and I hear "Nun's up. Nun's up" on the monitor (We've given her a Gro-clock for her room that stays dark - with a picture of a star - until a set time and then lights up and changes into a sun, she can't quite say sun yet).

From there it's organised chaos involving Emilia playing with her toys, Tal being put somewhere where he can entertain himself or strapping him to my chest while I feed them, dress them, brush their hair and her teeth before putting them into the buggy and going to whatever morning entertainment we have in store. Occasionally I'll get dressed too. Very occasionally I'll shower!

Yesterday I got all ahead of myself and thought that today I'd go food shopping with Emilia and Tal. I thought it'd be a fun little trip out...

The day didn't start as planned. After waking at 0610, Tal went back to sleep at 0830 until 1030 by which point we had missed most of this morning's group. Because I had put him down in Emilia's room (she had woken at her usual time) I couldn't get her dressed. There was a certain amount of rushing about when he did wake up.

At the end of group Tal was very upset because I'd forgotten to feed him and I hadn't warmed a bottle. Luckily I had the components so I just stuck a cold one in his face and found a quiet place to sit while he drank it. He was less than happy, but hungry enough to drink it!

I persevered though. Off to Sainsburys we went (other supermarkets are available) and I realised that I'd not changed his nappy since he woke 6 hours earlier. It was bulging so we all piled into the baby-changing room (trolley and all) and I realised that my bag was void of nappies because Emma had knicked them for her bag the day before. Back to the car we all went; collected the spares and back to the baby-change!

As you can imagine, Tal was wet, Emilia was getting bored of going backwards and forwards and I was starting to feel a little frustrated (and foolish)!

So we got the nappy changed (I was going to change Emilia's too but in the end I couldn't bring myself to sort that - and it wasn't that wet anyway) and went to the fruit and veg aisle so that Emilia could choose some healthy foods. I thought it would be an interesting thing for her to do and help connect the food that's on her plate to the shop it comes from. At some stage we'll go to a PYO and she can see where it grows... but that's a whole different adventure.

Anyway, I soon discovered a flaw in the trolley design. It was one with a baby-seat and a child-seat next to each other. Unfortunately the positioning of them put Emilia's hair directly in grabbing range for Tal so all he kept doing was yanking at Emilia's hair! I told him to "Let go, Dude" the first time he did it (Not because I expected him to listen but just to add some verbal association with me taking stuff from him) and immediately Emilia repeated "Lego Doo". Every time he grabbed hair after that, I heard Lego Doo. Lego Doo. Lego Doo. - She'll be saying it for weeks.

Anyway, Emilia got bored of looking at veg and having her hair pulled; Tal got bored of me stopping him from pulling hair, I got bored of stopping him pulling hair so we bought some potatoes and peppers and walked home.

Disaster! Maybe Emma was right with that one when she insists she goes shopping when they are in bed and I am home.

Introducing Taliesin

I have tried to write this post about 3 times now. I sat down when I thought I had 5 minutes but as soon as I'd start typing one of them woke up so I gave up.

It is now 9pm on Friday evening and I think I've got 5 minutes...

...

... still "Q" so I'll carry on.

[Emilia's monitor has literally just come to life with Emilia moaning and groaning - I knew I should never have started typing!]

I know I put up a quick blog 5 months ago when Tal was born but I am now officially starting APL Part 2 so thought it'd be nice to introduce him properly:

"Internet, this is Tal; Tal, this is Internet.

Tal is the younger of 2 children and, although born a little early he is now growing well and is (last checked) a touch over the 50th percentile.

He is a generally chilled baby although gets very upset when Emilia cries. 

(Just this evening, she jumped onto her bed and cracked the top of her head on the headboard. Before she had let out the first wail, he was sobbing his little heart out!)

He also appears to be Lactose intolerant.

I'm sure you'll get on well!"

 Taliesin trying to chomp on a pepper

So Tal is now almost 6 months old. I am now (mainly) responsible for a 2 and-a-half-yr-old and a half-yr-old I have a feeling it's going to be a challenge!

Emma is out to sabotage my efforts too! On Monday she tried a little "experiment" and swapped him from normal formula with Colief to "Comfort" formula with less lactose in it initially, but removed the Colief

"Colief® contains the naturally occuring enzyme lactase, which helps to break down lactose for digestion."

Emma did this on my first day; He stopped sleeping through the night; He was grizzly all day; He wouldn't sleep in the day; He became really clingy.

I really struggled.

Even Superman takes a nap when he can!

But now he's on Lactose-free Formula and much happier! (So am I)

***

SoI am going to count this week as "Handover Week" and say that it takes a little while to get into the swing of things. We'll see.
I still have the same group of Mummy friends that I inherited from Emma last time round but have lost +Rupert Key  as he is working most days. Hopefully I can squeeze a couple of coffee-shop adventures as the 6 months progresses.

One thing that I think I may struggle with is what to do with a 6 month old and a 2 yr old at the same time?

• Emilia is slightly too little (and at the moment loves her Daddy too much) to enjoy soft-play activities on her own while I sit with Tal and supervise but I can't carry him around it either!
• I can't take Emilia to all the Baby-sensory groups I went to last time because she will get bored and shout "Dad" "Dad" "Dad" at the top of her lungs until I respond.

Any suggestions from you, Internet, would be most appreciated.

***

And finally:

I saw this today and it made me laugh. a lot.

And then there were two!

So I signed off the last chapter saying that I would recommend Additional Paternity Leave to anyone because of all the things I learned, all the things I saw and all the friends I made.

But in about 6 months I'm going to have to do it all again - this time also with a daughter who's going to be in the middle of her Terrible Two's!

So far I've found out that I have forgotten most of what I found out 2 years ago!

For example, I've forgotten how hard it is to change the nappy of a newborn. I've got used to having a cooperative subject - or at least one who understands what needs to be done even if she refuses!
With a newborn, he's so small and fragile-looking but his legs flail about with enough strength to knock nappies from your hand or put nappy-cream where nappy-cream shouldn't be!

So I'm learning it all again!

For those interested, here's a pic of my little boy, Tal.

Tal. Just a few hours old.

...and the beginning of another.

So as I'm not a man to do things by halves, I decided that the only way to return from 6 months off was to start with 7 night shifts. Starting on a Friday night! 

To be honest, the fact that they were nights wasn't an issue. It meant that I was double-crewed and Emma's mum came down for the week to help out so I could sleep during the day.

I tried to spend as much of the day with Emilia as I could but by the time I'd fought my way through traffic to get home, then walked the dog, and had breakfast it was almost midday and I had been up for 18 hours. I was flagging! 

I did get up in time for bath and bedtime. So I would spend about an hour a day with her. 

She's a fickle little thing... On Saturday morning, I got home to a baby who crawled over to the front door, sat up on her knees, raised her arms for a cuddle and give me a big grin. By Wednesday, she would let me pick her up but she didn't come over when I came in.

By Friday morning, she didn't even raise her arms for a cuddle. She had no interest in me what-so-ever. Far more interested in "Nana". 

What a short memory they have at this age though. It would break my heart if I wasn't able to see her any length of time. I'd really worry that she would forget who I was!

It's now the following Monday and we've just been swimming. I've had lots of cuddles, lots of talking and lots of climbing on. It looks like I've been remembered and forgiven!

How rude!

I know you thought that I had finished but this was too good to pass up.

I went to a coffee-shop this morning (as I'm still allowed to do) and Emilia was happily chewing on my car-keys fob while I queued to order a coffee.

A woman from a nearby sofa looked up and said "Should she be doing that?". I laughed and replied that it hadn't broken the fob yet then went back to choosing the type of bean I wanted.

This woman was obviously not done yet and continued "But what about the germs?" so I answered that it's all going to building her immune system and hoped that would be the end of it as - if I'm honest - her tone was starting to grate.

Unfortunately this woman wouldn't let it go and (as though she wanted to speak to a manager) said, "So where's Mum then?". I quickly said "Working" but really wanted to continue "not that it's any of your business, you nosey cow!"

Apparently I'm not able to make decisions about what my daughter can and cannot chew on.

For the record, Emma doesn't let Emilia chew on the keys only because she's worried the keys will break.

The end of one chapter...

I read an article today in the Daily Mail from a journalist who found the idea of men taking Additional Paternity Leave "a ghastly slippery slope towards men wearing fake mammary glands and pumps in order to breast-feed". 
This is my reply...


I have exactly 5 days before I go back to a full-time, fully-paid job.
'
My Additional Paternity Leave (APL) will be over.
Finished.
Done.

Where did that time go?!? I'd only just got settled into a routine!

Not sure how I feel about that... It kind of feels like I'm just getting the hang of this Dad malarky and Emilia is just starting to become a little person. Now I feel like I'm deserting her. Looking back on it there were times I thought it would never end but now it's ending, I'm quite disappointed.

As I touched on at the beginning of this blog, I initially took over Emilia's care at the 6-month mark so that Emma could go back to work and earn money for us to survive on again. (I'm a modern man so I'm not ashamed or emasculated by the fact that my wife earns considerably more than I do. I love my job and earning huge sums has never motivated me. This way I still get to enjoy some of the finer things in life!)

So it's fair to say that finances were the main reason for taking this leave, however it wasn't the only consideration. I was certainly looking forward to 6 months of looking after Emilia, playing PS3 and showing Emma that I could keep a house running efficiently.
I was anticipating a summer of bonding, with walks in the park, pub beer-gardens in the sun and lazy afternoons playing games or watching TV while she slept.
I was hoping for a deeper bond with my daughter and to start our lives together with a relationship more similar to the typical mother-daughter one than the working-father one. I was hoping to generally get to know her better right from the beginning.

I had quite a few different reactions from friends and family about what I was doing. About 50% positive and 50% thought I was nuts.
I was the first man in the history of my work to take APL - so much so that I completed the paperwork in good time and handed it to my line-manager who showed it to his boss who, because neither of them knew what to do with it, lost it.
I had an email through from HR the other day asking when I was coming back as they had 3 dates that they were expecting me (3rd December - APL end date; 6th December - APL end date plus additional requested leave; 8th January - No idea!)

I think most of my family were concerned that - because it was such a new concept - my career would somehow suffer and my chances of promotion would be lessened as I would be labelled absent or similar. I told them it wouldn't but only time will tell...

Looking back, it's fair to say I took the wrong attitude to this. I thought of it as a job. I was hoping to have defined times where I would be on duty and I could literally down-tools, flip open the laptop and be safe in the knowledge that Emma was doing baby-care at 5pm. If I'm honest, that's how it felt I was seen during the first 6 months because whenever I got home, as soon as I walked through the door, I was thrust a baby and Emma would start catching up on Facebook activity or what "news" was being reported on the Daily Mail.
It has taken me 5 months to realise that that's not the way it works. Whether you are a full-time parent, or a working one; if you're in the house, you're On Duty. There's no way you are going to win an argument of "But it's 5:01pm and I've had a tough day". Not that it hasn't crossed my mind but nobody wins that game. Both of you will feel equally justified in letting the other do the nappy-change or feed baby dinner because both of you have been doing stuff all day and both of you just want 5 minutes to relax. One of you has to do it and it should all balance out in the end.

I don't want to give away any Man-trades here but my days off (pre-baby) when Emma used to work in an office consisted of lounging about during the day, accumulating plates on the table by the sofa and not doing a lot until I would get a text from Emma saying that she was leaving the office at about 5pm. At that point I would run around like a blue-arsed fly, tidying and cleaning so that when Emma got home it looked like I'd been plodding at it all day. That way I could make the most of my days off, whilst also getting all the chores done that were needed. I know I'm not the only one!

Now that Emma works from home, that wasn't an applicable style of baby-care. Nor was it really ever an option that I would have free-range over how Emilia dressed, what we did or where we went as Emma was always watching. I could never do this for example, and still have a smug grin on my face, chillin' when she got back:

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RntoTUPuWMc - for those not able to view in blog)

I did manage a couple of these though...

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWM9fcSPeV4)

So what have the last 6 months given me?

Firstly, a brilliant insight into how a little ball of eating, sleeping, crying and pooing flesh turns into a unique and amazing individual. I have been able to watch as she learns what everything feels like, tastes like and smells like.
I have got to shadow her as she explores the ever-increasing world around her. First it was toys hanging 6 inches from her nose, then it was anything in her reach while she sat on her mat, then her world exploded to everything within 1 foot of the floor as she started crawling. Now nothing is safe as she pulls herself up to standing on anything remotely stable.
I've had the pleasure of teaching her about being tickled and hanging upside down; as well as learning swimming and shapes and reading every book I could find for her. I have (almost) literally been throwing information at her every day for 6 months and I've watched her absorb it like a little sponge!
I've been there for her at night when she wakes herself up crying and needs a cuddle and in a way that has been just as enjoyable as all the fun stuff during the days. To pick up a baby who is sobbing, have her cuddle into your chest and then hear her breathing settle into a calm pattern and feel her relax into you within seconds, is a complex emotional mini-adventure.
If it wasn't for the fact it's silly o'clock in the morning and there aren't any chairs in her room, I'd stay like that all night.

I've made new friends. Mums I've "inherited" from Emma's parent-baby group; the other parents in the road we live on and I've even found a fellow-dad who has a little boy so we can sit around drinking lattes a-plenty. It's been very helpful to have friend as we can discuss what works, what doesn't work and joke about what really didn't work (apparently dropping your child off the edge of the bed is bad...but not uncommon).

I did my best to get Emilia and I out and about as much as possible. Regularly for coffee. As many baby-groups as possible and joining my colleagues for days / lunches in the pub gardens on their days off. These were always fun however it became obvious that I wasn't allowed to take photos of Emilia being held by another woman as Emma would see them and get jealous.
I didn't expect Emma's reaction to my leave. (I think the word "resentment" has been used however I'm going to give Emma a guest-spot to write a little about how it has been from her perspective next time...) I knew she would miss her but I don't think either of us realised how much. I found that if I go out for too long (4 hours or more) I start to get texts / calls asking where we are, are we ok and when are we coming home?

Even with all my distractions, I got bored. I fully admit it.
My theory is this: In the first 6 months, Emilia was absolutely dependent on Emma so she had a lot to do when she was awake. Emilia  also slept for 18 hours a day so you have time to yourself (Not suggesting it's easy as there is a lot to do but it's not dull either). 6 months old was a big changing point for her. Sleep reduces dramatically (Emilia went from 3 naps per day to 1) and until 9 months, there was a lot less interaction when she was awake. Absorbing information but not expressing very much except hunger and boredom.
From 9 months things got interesting again. She started to react to me in a much more positive manner and have much better coordination so could reach for items, pass them from hand to hand and turn them over. It meant she really explored anything you gave her and I know she remembered it because she quickly developed favourites. She has a favourite toy and keeps absent-mindedly playing with the ears because they feel soft.
A tip I learned after the 9-month point, which I wish I'd known for the 6-9 month dip, was to just simply describe everything you see. Especially good if you're driving. A running commentary about what's coming up apparently settles the boredom of short car journeys but eventually i just had to sing to her!

Now though, I'm so very glad I did it. I feel I've got a great start of a relationship with this precious little person. I've learned a lot about her: What she likes and what she doesn't like; what makes her laugh and what makes her squeal with excitement.
In a way I feel I've passed some form of initiation into the society of parents.
I also think that my relationship with Emma has developed. We are more of a team than before. There is more mutual understanding of what goes into the day and neither of us complain if the other is not up to doing an early-morning feed even if it's their turn. The other just steps up and it works.

As a last word to all fathers-to-be. Do it. Do the full 6 months or -if that's not possible- do the last 3 because you will be amazed at what you (all) will get out of it.

Bee baba bada bab...

...I'm a scatman.

Today was another first.

Today she discovered her own poo.

Emma has been attempting to introduce the potty. Not in any "You will sit there until you use it!" type way, but more of a "Look at this interesting seat. It's where we sit after a meal".

So Emilia sat for all of about a minute before deciding she was bored and went for a crawl. She was sitting on the floor, playing with bunny one minute and then playing with a brown lump the next. Somehow she had done the biggest poo on the hardwood floor and then picked it up and started poking it with a finger.
There was no straining. There were no tell-tell signs that she was going to poo at all. She was clean one minute and poking a piece of poo the next!

You'll be glad to know, I'm sure, that there are no photos of this incident as we were both too busy gently stopping her from smearing it everywhere, while at the same time, trying not to scare her and laughing uncontrollably.

So a quick, smooth wipe-up later and then rushed upstairs for an early bath!

I did find this though...

Hi Ho, Hi Ho...

...it's off to work we go - if only for a weekend.

I had a lovely weekend this weekend (well, a long one anyway)!

I decided to use a couple of Keep In Touch days with work to
         a) catch up with my collegues,
         b) remind myself what I was supposed to do when I do eventually go back to work and
         c) work out what child-care arrangements will be needed the morning after working a 'late' shift

So Friday started as usual (at 0530hrs) and I did the usual thing of following Emilia around the house as she tried (and often succeeded) to open and close every draw, door and flap within reach; and press every button on every piece of electronic equipment within reach.
I stay out of her way until she's about to hurt herself (or sometimes just after she's hurt herself a little but before she hurts herself a lot) which means I'm constantly moving and constantly watching those little hands.

At lunchtime, I passed her over to Emma so I could quickly shower, change and start my commute to work.

Now I was expecting to be a little slow getting started at work. Remembering what "real" work was but I didn't realise that the electronic world would be against me! I got in to find that my computer password had expired, my PDA had forgotten who i was and needed replacing and the number 1 on my work mobile was refusing to register no matter how hard I pressed.

Luckily I had given myself a bit of extra time to get these things sorted before the shift started but it definitely started me on the wrong footing!

I had the usual "Ah, you must be the new boy"; "Hi, Sir, you seem lost. Can I help you find anything?"; "Barber closed today?" (I've let my hair grow a little and I've grown a beard as a nod to my new responsible self) but generally I fitted back in easily - to the point where at the end of the shift, it felt like I had never left.

So I got home at 2am, checked on Emilia - looking as cute as a button and snoring gently - and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

3 hours later I was woken by a grumpy Emma stomping around getting Emilia a bottle for her morning feed and Emilia deciding that she wasn't going back to sleep for love nor money (actually, I don't know if Emma tried the money thing, but I doubt she would have taken it up).

I think I must have sighed, or looked at my watch because, as-quick-as-a-flash I heard "Just 2 hours. Can you deal with her for just 2 hours. Then I'll get up. I promise". I didn't have the energy to argue so I rolled out of bed, plastered the best "Good Morning, Sweetie" smile I could muster and tried to be cheery for 2 hours.

I then slept til midday, walked the dog, quick shower and back to work.

Day 2 was as smooth as silk. Technology didn't fail me and all the things I was worried I'd forget came flooding back as though I hadn't been away for 4 months. at all.

So what have I learned from this that I can pass on to anyone thinking about doing this too?

a) the jokes don't change
b) it takes a little while but you'll be amazed how fast it comes back
c) we DEFINITELY need child-care the morning after I do a late shift!

I'm sorry. I just couldn't help it

Please don't judge me on this.

She was doing so well with her crawling but a sudden lapse in concentration and...

If you listen very closely, you'll here 2 stifled sniggers as she lands. We are bad parents...

And she's off!

It's all going to change now.

We were just starting to wonder if she was going to walk / talk / crawl first. I had a chat with one of our baby-group leaders 2 days ago about how to encourage her to crawl because she was struggling to coordinate arms and legs.

She would put one hand in front of the other as though crawling but she forgot to move her knees so would faceplant over and over again.

Because she's such an obstinate little thing, the usual "exercises", where you move their arms and legs in time to music/rhymes, wouldn't work. She simply refuses to cooperate and pulls away. The advice was to put her at the bottom of the stairs and encourage her to climb the stairs! 

I was a little reluctant to poke that lion so I gave it a couple of days. I waved her arms about and kicked her legs a little.

The very next day I took the dog for a walk and when I returned, I was greeted by a very happy emma and (I may be imagining it) a smug looking Emilia. 

Emma says "Watch this, watch this" and went to the other side of the room with Emilia's dummy in her mouth. She kneeled down and Emilia looked, grinned and crawled over to Emma, happily chattering all the way. She was so pleased with herself.

So now she can crawl and pull himself up to kneeling on stuff, she is everywhere! I've found out that the living room is not baby-proof. There are cables not-so-well hidden and she is obsessed with the sky box. She has found the on/off button and the randomly skip through channels button. The days of watching TV during the day are over, I guess. In fact I think my job has suddenly got much harder...

Who's a good little wifey then?

Today I embraced my house-wifey side and I cooked Emilia a pizza. From scratch.

I don't mean "I put the toppings on a pizza-base" - type of scratch. I mean that I combined flour, salt, sugar, water and yeast to make the dough before allowing it to rise in a warm, draught-free area before I put organic tomato sauce on top with some mild cheese and herbs and cooked it.

That kind of "from scratch". This is how it turned out (after 1 slice made a successful bid for freedom):

Home-made pizza for Emilia

It seemed to be enjoyed anyway...

I also made pizza for Emma and me which went down well (however less mess was made, so I couldn't tell you if it was as popular.